the quest

As I sit down to write I feel weak and frustrated. I do not know where I am heading. I do not know where I come from. I do not know where I am at the present moment. I'm lost and lonely. My life is nowhere close to what I imagined it to be. I wanted to fly merrily in my backyard and at the same time conquer far away lands. The fresh breeze in my country as I imagined would embrace me and the flower would bloom at my arrival. The exotic virgin lands would open its arms and share its secrets with me. The endless night sky would wait for me to enjoy a view of it while I rest on the calm seashore. The clear water of the ever-flowing rivers never missed to make it to my dreams. Now I look back and I laugh at my imaginings as I struggle to crawl in my backyard to look at the glory of the vast world on my computer screen. Who do I think I am? Someone from the royal family? What right do I have to dream, and dream so big?
It's not that I have given up chasing dreams. it's just that my dreams have blurred. I used to have such clear cut plans and goals for life. I was in class 8 when I decided I wanted to study literature for life and be a journalist for a living. But now, I don't know what I want to do. I have both literature and journalism at my disposal to explore and exploit. But a dampness has crept in. Even my short term plans are vague and mostly miss the point. I  have absolutely no long term plans. To think I'm going with the flow is foolishness. For there's no flow at all. My life's stagnated and I'm worried. I'm clueless.
One thing I know for sure. I'm not here to pay the bills, follow orders, have a family, grow old, and die. That's not why I'm here. The problem being, I'm not super intelligent to invent something out of thin air and make a living out of it. I have no idea why I'm here. Everyone has a purpose in life, the wise say. What is mine? I'm scared I'll never find out what mine is. I'm scared I'll drift away from the quest for life and its purpose. The heavy storm seems too close. And I might not make it to the shore. I'm more apprehensive than ever. There's not one field that I can call my own. No expertise in a single field. What kind of a life is this! I don't want to be a literature student who manages finance in an NGO and gets a heavy pay.

As I attempt a feeble look within my worn out self, I feel as though the entire world is conspiring against my wellness. I believe there's light. I'm hoping to catch the traces of light if not all of it.

the quest for light

Non-Ontological Existence

Does Love exist?

Does Order exist?

Does Light exist?

Does 'science' exist?

Does Peace exist?

Does thought exist?

Do YOU exist?

Nine out of ten people on the streets will answer "yes" to the questions posed above.

But...if you ask

'Does GOD exist? and Does RELIGION exist?,'

they'll say it does not.

They’ll say 'God is created by humans and so is religion. It is an illusion.'

To declare you are atheist has become the 'in' thing. Even within spiritual circles they talk about ‘no religion.’ ‘All are one. We all belong to one religion called LOVE.’

The Marxist criticism on religion goes like this:

"Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people."

My question being, Is opium all that bad?

No, seriously. Is it? You can ask a certain Samuel Taylor Coleridge about it.

What does a religion do? Religion promotes love, peace, togetherness, compassion, faith, devotion, surrender, satisfaction, happiness, bliss. That's the very nature of human being - which every individual is striving to attain. Then why is there so much spoken against religions? It has always intrigued me as to why people miss to see the beauty in religion. It is almost shocking. It could be true that I speak with a certain religious ideological influence. But spare some time and hear me out in the series of articles that I'll come up with over the course of time. I'm not trying to force my ideologies on you. I'm only trying to show you various possibilities in case you haven't thought of it already. At the end of it all, each her own way :)

People think it's ridiculous to talk about religion in the present day context. And I think it’s ridiculous not to talk of it. When one cannot understand or comprehend a certain phenomena, they become repulsive. The anger or fear is simply due to the unknown. Metaphysics is a field that tries to explain the inexplicable. Kant says that religion is based on morality. I disagree. I’m not denying that morality is a part of religion. However, that’s not the basis of it. For me, religion is a perfect balance of transcendence and realism. Kant also talks about something called rational metaphysics. It may sound absurd at first as it did to me. I assume that's what religion is. Religion tries to explain and understand what we cannot and in the journey we discover and experience 'Godness'.

A general opinion is that to follow a religion is to follow the crowd. But that is not true. If you consider Dvaita philosophy of religion, the very crux of it talks about individuality. Sri Madhwacharya has said that there's duality not only between jeevatma and paramatma but between all souls. He says that each person is unique and enlightenment is achieved through individual consciousness.

Religious rituals, 'atheists' say, are nothing more than dogmas. They are followed in blind faith. One of the rituals we Hindus follow is to sing to the Lord. There's a story that I was told as a kid which explains why God lives where there's music. Let's not get to that story. But I'll narrate a real-life story. There's this boy I saw. He is about 12 years old now. He never had the gift of speech. Physically handicapped at birth. He has no IQ or EQ is what the doctors told. There was no hope left for the little boy. One day, this boy was left on his own in a room for a few minutes and there was a record playing. The record was 'dasara padagaLu' sung by Sri Mysore Ramchandrachar. The boy gained speech and now expresses emotions. He cannot read or write. He knows more than a hundred devotional songs by heart. The doctors have no idea how that happened. It is a miracle. Let’s say it - God's grace! I'm sure all of you have seen at least one such miracle in front of your own eyes. How do you explain that? What is it if not proof for God's existence?

Oh by the way, Kant in his Critique of Judgement says: 'Those who have recommended the singing of spiritual songs as part of the family prayers did not consider how great a discomfort they impose on their audience with this noisy and hence usually Pharisaical worship, because they force their neighbours either to sing along or to interrupt their intellectual labours.'

The Western world is so caught up in the so called world of knowledge that they don't have time for wisdom.

Coming back to rituals. One, there are things that are scientific and hence made part of a religious doctrine. For example, going to the temple is considered auspicious because temples are supposed to be built along the grid of the Earth. They are energy centers of the planet. To visit a place full of positive energy increases your healthy aura. The ringing of the bells and the shlokas chanted add on to the atmosphere. Two, shlokas are arranged in a scientific manner. It doesn't matter even if one doesnt know the actual meaning of a shloka, it'll still prove effective. As Kant himself says (I might have taken this out of context), the 'immediate experience' leads to 'super-sensible reality.' Perform the rituals and then see for yourself whether or not you are in an elevated state of consciousness.

In the next article I'll try to cover more topics in greater detail.

'Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out.' - Richard Dawkins

emotions recollected in tranquility...

All of a sudden, my childhood amnesia seems to have lifted. I remember taking part in a Hindi poem recitation competition in class 5 or 6. Today, after 8-9 years, I could recollect all the lines of the poem. 'Gulab' was the title of the poem. I don't remember who the poet was though. The last stanza talks to me like no other:

wah dekho kaante hai isme;

eb nahi duniya mein kisme.

tum ebon par dhyaan na de;

vidya seekh sabhi se le.

[forgive the errors :D]

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talking of roses,

I read somewhere that a little bit of fragrance always clings to the hands that gives roses.

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talking of giving,

in life...there are things that are best left alone. It's not wise to change the course of a stream. Let if flow where it wants. Some things are meant to be the way they are. The force of nature cannot be controlled. Let go. I have embarked on the journey of letting go, have you? :) For there's no point in clinging on to memories, dreams, and even people.

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To Nature

by Samuel Coleridge

It may indeed be fantasy when I

Essay to draw from all created things

Deep, heartfelt, inward joy that closely clings;

And trace in leaves and flowers that round me lie

Lessons of love and earnest piety.

So let it be; and if the wide world rings

In mock of this belief, it brings

Nor fear, nor grief, nor vain perplexity.

So will I build my altar in the fields,

And the blue sky my fretted dome shall be,

And the sweet fragrance that the wild flower yields

Shall be the incense I will yield to Thee,

Thee only God! and thou shalt not despise

Even me, the priest of this poor sacrifice.