Among other things,
what I’ve been pondering upon lately is the social status of people.
I had this rare and
unforgettable confrontation with a man on the street. When I used to hear people say they could play certain moments in their mind whenever they felt like it, I used to think they were imagining stuff. But, this time, I played that moment, time and again in my
mind and I couldn’t figure out a thing. Yet, it was the most raw confrontation
I’ve ever had.
It lasted exactly a
moment. And I wriggled out of it. I was on my way to work [some extra money
with the ever increasing distance to work has given me the perk of travelling
in a Volvo bus]. And I really like the view from the back seat because it is
placed quite high from the ground. The bus had stopped in a traffic signal and there
was this "madman" on the road trying to figure his way from one end of the
road to the other. He had the blankest of looks on his face and I was observing
him take every step forward. It so happened that he glanced towards me once and locked
a stare for only a second and if I was anywhere but in the bus, I would have burst
into loud tears. However, on that day, I managed to look away and
silently wipe my tears.
I have no idea what
that was. But, all I can say is, that moment will be the foundation for all that
I’ll do hereafter. Also, now that I’m unemployed, I’ll have more “time” to
dedicate to things that are closer to my heart.
That’s right. I’ve
been waiting to declare myself unemployed [ever since I started working, I
guess]. I’ve decided to do my post-graduation in English Literature – full time.
I did give the correspondence course a try and it was rather pathetic to use a
mild word.
So the next two years
will be more about making regular rounds to the library with Shakespeare and Ferdinand
de Saussure; and less about planning how to spend a penny or save a penny.
I always wanted my
life to fast forward to the future (of sorts). But now, more out of choice than
fear, I want it to go as slow as possible…so that I can savour every moment,
remember every emotion from the books I read and the movies I watch and also (surprisingly) the life I lead.
I wanted to be a
sports reporter, and I have been that for the last 3 months. Did I like it? Not
really. I liked it alright. As in, there were many practical things that one
needs to learn as a journalist that I sort of assimilated. But, as a whole, I
didn’t really connect to the job.
I wanted to be a
travel writer, and that was my first job. I was on it for a while. I enjoyed it
in parts, I loved writing…but there was still something missing. I felt like I
was selling these beautiful places – the only ones that were a bit untouched by humans. Even if no
one went to that place after reading (or rather BECAUSE they read) my feature stories, I still felt I
was conspiring against nature.
Going back to college
should help me sort things out. Although I have portrayed the one year break as
not-so-productive phase of my life, there have been a million things that have
touched me directly or indirectly because of my job. I’ve always tried to pen
it down and would end up nowhere close to what I wanted to say.
Here’s to verbally more
competent life ahead!
