constant conflict...

I have no virtues – none whatsoever. I'm not as valiant as Draupadi nor am I as noble as Ahalya. To start anew on a clean state is an easy thing. In fact quite adventurous. But when you have a whole load of dirt to wipe off before you start is not only a hideous task but also frustrating. It was easy for Draupadi…she could call for help and the Lord would hear her call. It was easy for Ahalya too…she knew that by the touch of Lord Ram she would come to life all over again. Both of them had their conflicts…which were resolved. They were promised that their conflicts would be resolved and they had the faith. I’m told I should look up to them for inspiration. I do look up to them with all earnestness. And…the conflicts only heighten. I don’t have the faith that they did – not even 1% of it.

Sri Satyatma Teertharu, the other day, said something very intriguing. What do you ask God? You ask him to protect you and the world around you. You ask him to bless you with happiness, health and knowledge. You ask him for vairagya. You ask him for mukthi/ moksha. You could also ask him for specific things in life…basically you ask him for what you don’t have. By showering you with all that you want, how is the Lord benefitting? He has everything. He has all the riches in the world. He doesn’t need anything from you. But, Swamiji said there’s something that the Lord doesn’t have – Bhakti. Yes, Bhakti. There’s no one above him. He doesn’t have to fold his arms or bend his head in devotion. Look at Dhruva, look at Prahalada. They were kids. Why did the Lord answer their call? Because they were his unsurpassed devotees.

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The more bhakti you have it’s more likely that He’ll hear you. Now we know why the Lord heard Draupadi and Ahalya. The only virtue I aspire for is that of bhakti.

Imagined Independence...

There were times when I felt I was free from dependence, when I thought I was doing everything according to my whims and fancy. Not until I realised that none of us are independent. Dependence is what we are born into. To call ourselves independent is foolishness at its peak. As Sri MadhwAcharya says, 'nAham kartA hariH kartA', I'm not the doer, Lord Hari is. Or Like Mooji says, we are only painting a painting by God. What about individuality, you may ask. We should remember that each one is given a different canvas to paint on. And each canvas has a different painting. That makes the world colourful, interesting, meaningful and blissful. If all colours are one, the painting will lose its charm and purpose. There's a growing trend which says that the world is an illusion, nothing exists, and all are one. If all were one, there would be no spice in life. Where's the scope for improvisation? To explain away the world seems to be the simplest way out of a situation. To say that the painter doesn’t exist leaves no scope for further introspection. There is only bliss, BUT there is no one to experience the bliss -- how can that be? Bliss exists only when there is someone who can experience it. 

Almost full moon

I feel so blissful. I was gazing at the moon for hours together. Why not a quick blog update i thought and rushed down from my terrace to tell you how wonderful I'm feeling right now. Full moon's a day away and the moon looks absolutely divine. It is that night when the moon isn't quite a perfect circle; when it's not unblemished white; when it's not trying to win hearts; when it's in complete harmony with everything around; when it's not flawless and yet content with what it is. It's one such night when I can actually connect to nature. The orange-ish clouds were moving with such grace...how do I explain. For the first time, I was looking at the moon with a sense of tranquility and little excitement. I used to usually get bewildered by the full moon on a starry night. But now, I feel calm and blessed to be able to admire such beauty. It's just the way it ought to be. I shall head back to the terrace. It's almost full moon, do catch a glimpse.

When I admire the wonders of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in worship of the creator.

Mahatma Gandhi