of futures and presents; of controls and wills

▫    Your credentials are better than what we were looking for. . .

▫    Your attitude and personality -> brilliant, keep it going!

▫    It was indeed a pleasure meeting you. We wish you the best for your career ahead.

▫    We loved you, BUT our big boss...

▫    Our institution hired someone else, would you be interested in my new start up?

▫    You are best suited for the job, BUT our head is looking for experience.

▫    Sorry, in spite of your credentials you don’t fit into what we were looking for.

▫   Sorry for now. However, we’ll keep in touch with you in case we have anything that suits you.

That’s how my Job hunt has been so far.

I had a psychic friend once. And she told me it won’t be easy. I didn't ask her but how could she hide what was in store. She told me it won’t be easy. I despised her for it seemed as though she had more control over my future than I did.

I made a huge fuss to go to the interviews. I’d somehow convince myself with the help of closed ones to go there and give the answers they liked.

Why us, they’d ask.

Because it’s YOU, I’d grin half-heartedly.

Then they’d decide my worth and stamp me a reject after a marathon meet. It’d all end with a loud cloud of tears within.

That’s how my job hunt has been so far.

I told my mom this is not what we are here for. And she said, that’s how it has been for generations. I’d disagree and she’d blame the Government. How do I explain where I stand?

I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. If you’re wondering what I believe our purpose on this planet is, I’ll give you a hint…it has to do with creating and sharing.  Bill Hicks

I simply cannot believe in buying happiness. When my mom accepts defeat because we are “oh middle class”, I feel defeated to have been born. I feel sorry that my actions don’t reflect the value-rich childhood my parents have given me.

6-7-8 lackadaisical attempts to find a job and I feel unworthy already. I do realise that it doesn’t matter in the larger scheme of things. Maybe the best is still in store. I won’t let things take control over me. I shall put in my effort. The rest is left to greater forces.

.... that which we are, we are;

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

tennyson

of memories and pride...

All my childhood memories have traces of granny's presence. Like all fond things, I could gauge her worth only after I lost her. Her tenderness has seeped so deep into my being that I can still feel her touch, I remember the earthy fragrance around her, I can recall the taste of the many varieties of food she prepared for us with love. All this even after 10-11 years of her passing away! Every evening, she used to take me to madhwasangha for pravachana. While she listened to profound discourses inside the hall, i used to stand near the gate and dream away to glory. I used to first finish all the toffees she bought me and plan the possible escape routes if someone kidnapped me. I used to run to the main road only because I was forbidden. Ajji came out often to check on me. I had calculated the gap between each of her visits. The calculations went horribly wrong at times and I used to get caught wandering on the road. It always ended quite dramatically. She would drag me inside; I would cry aloud drawing all the attention there. That meant I could break the queue at the end of the session to reach the speaker and was of course blessed with an extra kallu sakkare (sugar crystal?) most often.

Ajji didn’t go to madhwasangha to while away her time. Nothing that she listened to disappeared in thin air. She put it all down in words. She read extensively. She compiled all the information she knew and gave it her own colour. The 10-11 books that she wrote speak for themselves. She started writing very late in her life. Not many knew that she could write. She didn’t undergo schooling. After all the hardships she underwent and emerged victorious; she wasn’t compelled to write. She had already proved her point as a woman. But she set her own standards. She has earned praises from eminent scholars. I didn’t have to go looking for ideals. There she was, in flesh and blood; here she is, still alive, in my memories. Books, plants, and children – they all earned a special place in her heart.

Her very first book just got reprinted. It is titled “Sri samanyarige Mahabharata”.

Life is a quotation

Most of us live within quotes and die within quotes.

Dream, we sure do. But do we dare to get out there and do what is needed? We all choose our little comfort zones and stay put.

Compromise is probably the way of life.

Life is mimicry, they say. And that to me is the scariest part of life. If all that we can ever be is a fragile copy, then why live at all! Our thoughts reflect others' thoughts, our opinions guided by others', our taste is determined by that of others', the grand choices and decisions of our lives are ruled by others. Their reality becomes our reality. All in all, we are under the spell of this anonymous larger-than-life 'other'.

Passion, freedom, originality - are they all mere myths?

“Slept, awoke, slept, awoke, miserable life.” Franz Kafka