Monday, February 13, 2012

when Mr.X got on my nerves...

There is this "spiritual person" whom I know from a very young age. He supposedly turned to spirituality after having experienced it all in the fields of science and Mathematics! Well, yes...he's a genius! This is not meant to be filled with hatred. I really do respect him for the choices he has made in life. Having said that, I have certain issues with certain "new age" concepts which this person also happens to uphold.
Mr.X has had God experience. He has clearly told me that I will require another 20 years [minimum] to have the same experience because I'm filled with kalmasha or dirt. I was pure when I was born...and to attain the same purity again I will need a lot of time. I am too involved in this world for a 19 year old is what he said. Basically, he made me feel like shit. I said yes, I'm sad and the whole of me is dirt. so, thank you! No, it wouldn't end there! He told me everything is love...I said yes, all is love; love is all; Love-Truth; Truth beauty. He said his grand child wouldn't understand it for it's too complex! and that life is simple! My mind is too corrupt and that it will take a looong time before it got rid of the conditioning! He told me everything is shunya and anantha at the same time. I said yes. He told me that nirantara smarane is contemplating about God every moment. I said, in that case we cannot live in this materialistic world. He told me we are the universe and the universe is in us. For an "unrealized" soul like me it sounds too out-of-the-world concept and I said may be that's true but our reality is a collective reality. He said that is non-sense because we make no difference. Later, he said he wants to make a difference by awakening at least one soul. For each person's doing has an impact whether we realize it or not. [Well, I thought I said the exact same thing when I spoke of collective reality]. I told him there's too much noise in the world...he said you are too caught up and your mind has taken over you. He told me God created nature in perfect balance and I told him God created us too...we are in perfect balance. We are pure. He told me no one can be helped and no one can receive help. I said no one needs help. He said he had a problem with me because I'm caught up with unnecessary jargons and big words! But I think he is too caught up in life because he thinks we are made of dirt due to consumerism and education.
If you want to have an ego-trip...I'm no guest house. sorry!
He was irritated by my words and I by his. Why? It's not that I don't agree with what he said. I actually do. I do agree that we live in perfectly harmonious world. I do agree that unlearning is the greatest wisdom ever. BUT aren't we all made of the same elements? Then why bring in a hierarchy? Why say you will take time to reach such and such level of spirituality? We are all spiritual beings no matter what we think we are! There cannot be specified steps to enlightenment! I'm not an "enlightened" being. The desire for enlightenment is what has kept me going! No other desire stands. I don't want to aimlessly fly about like a kite without manja and land nowhere. The result of enlightenment could be the fact that there's nothing - all is shunya...but there has to be a beginning, right?!
Please, for God's sake don't force your ideas on me! You can share with me your experiences. I will give you both my ears. I am a very patient listener. I appreciate your way simply because it has worked for you so far. But don't condemn my way and call yours THE ONLY WAY!!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

the feeling I feel

mostly confused

scared

sick

healed

secure

energized

weakened

lost

happy

blissful

loved

^ all at once.

...like the warmth of winter's sun; like the freshness of morning wind; like the quietness of deep blue sea; like the vastness of the sky; like a rainbow's cozy hug; like a magical snowfall never seen; like a bright star that always cared; like a huge tree that always loved; like the light that forever shines; like the wind that delights; like the kiss of rain; like a whisper in a dream; like a film too real; like bliss that never was; like a touch so pure; like a path newly discovered; like eternal silence...


perhaps there is someone [whom I have known from the beginning of time] out there somewhere feeling the same feeling as I.


Moving with the clouds my dreams say ‘hello’

For my eyes catch the stars that *glow*

One day I’ll just let it all go

– the dreams that show

And hold onto the stars I know...


[random thoughts randomly expressed]