Crystal cut swirling chandeliers, domed string lights, gold-diamond-pearl clad -- there doesn't end the showmanship of God.
A temple. People come and go. Some beg mercy. Others praise him. Some others complain. But they all seek Him all the same. The showmanship grows, I wish I could simply believe it. I wish I could seek Him. Or not. Any which way -- with dedication and firm foot. I wish I could look at those swirling lights and call it His creation. I really wish.
I wish I could bow in tremendous respect sitting far from the idol like my uncle does. Or just turn my back with great indifference/ innocence like the child that just ran inside the sanctum sanctorum not recognizing what all the fuss was about only to return to the toffee in his mom's bag.
I wish I could not be jealous of all the saints who were divinely appointed to do good in the world. Their conflicts seem to be non-existent. But so do the conflicts of saints who believe in a truth completely opposite to what my saints believe in.
I wish I believed God pointed out a material approach to life. I wish I believed that the Hindu Gods are so "scientifically advanced" that they prove theories of evolution right. I wish I could fight for these greater causes to save God and to save humanity. I wish I had the conviction to fight those fights.
Or I wish I had a "liberal" point of view where God is a -- what-is-it -- "a human construct". I wish I believed whole-heartedly that all is political. I wish I believed this God factor was a phallocentric whatever-ness in the world. I wish I believed it was all just a power game between masculinities and femininities. I wish I could stand up for the oppressed Gods and disregard the privileged ones.
I wish I could drape a saree, change my appearance and be amongst believers. Or I wish I could go bald and belong amongst non-believers. But, at the end of the day, I know I wouldn't belong to either sides. And I know I cannot take the mid-path either.
I wish I could just believe. Anything that inspires me. And trust. Beyond questions and doubts. For questions are starting to become more absolute than the subject itself. I wish I knew better. I wish.
4 comments:
"Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn't matter. Explore the world... Don't think about what you want to be, but what you want to do. Keep up some kind of a minimum with other things so that society doesn't stop you from doing anything at all" _Richard P Feynman
:)
this are exactly what i feels sometimes,most of the time. the doubts questions ...loops.It is beautiful to read this,something 'feelable' :),keep on writing ...expecting more and more,..y this much gap?
and this rumi lines are for doubts :)
“I have lived on the lip
of insanity, wanting to know reasons,
knocking on a door. It opens.
I've been knocking from the inside.”
― Rumi
Expecting new articles :)...long gap !
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