I
look around and all I see is pretense. where has the zest for life disappeared?
There are people who pretend to be living, intelligent, spiritual, involved, responsible,
happy, caring, religious, 'doing' philosophy, and there are others who put up an 'I dont care' attitude.
"The World is like a ride in an amusement park,
and when you choose to go on it you think it's real, because that's how
powerful our minds are," they say.
'Get over it,' - I tell myself
now 'Dont get caught in this bottomless pit.'
I desperately want to get over these
seemingly intelligent questions like what is life? what it means to live? What
is reality? what is truth - the larger truth? I have grown to despise and
detest such questions. I'm longing to see the naked truth. The hidden Truth
behind the beautiful masks. I feel numb and maladjusted to my environment. I
hate myself to have been caught in the tenacious quest for enlightenment. To say
I had a Buddha moment is different from actually having been through a Buddha
moment. I curse the many days i spent reading spiritual texts and thinking that
life here is temporary. I was stupid enough to believe I'll be jeevanmukt and
that I don't have to worry about the happenings around me. By thinking that the
world is an illusion, I was caught in another sort of illusion without even realizing. An illusion
nonetheless. How frivolous could I have been... Today when I see the 'new agers' I loathe those fake smiles and words.
I
hate myself for having broken down every line of poems and 'great' lines to
make meaning out of them; to read the multiple texts that lay behind words;
between lines...unwritten...forgotten perhaps...
Having lost all the innocence, I still sense a ray of hope in me. I might not like to be addressed as Shakti or Spirit or Light, but I should admit I have learnt quite a bit along the journey. With
these learnings I look forward to witness the rising horizon very soon. When? how? I
have no clue.
6 comments:
This is what some call "spiritual depression" or the "kitchen-sink" period. Even though it's difficult, it's best not to give in to the negative mood. As they also say "small steps..."
I wonder if there can ever be something called 'spiritual depression.' Right now, negativity grips me tight if I attempt to do anything "spiritual".
"this too, shall pass. ."
I hope so...
When you get yourself involved in creating happiness to others through any social cause -
You will experience everything whatever you have read..
social cause. that's a catchy phrase.
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