sensuous memory?

As I return to the world that lets me withdraw as and when I like, I look back and wonder what I’ve assimilated over the one year that passed by working at different places.

One thing that doesn’t change no matter where you go is the way people constantly try to impress one another. It makes me feel as though we are a generation born out of/ into insecurities. Always trying to update our facebook statuses and talk fashion or literature as though our souls hang on the approval of others.

In fact, I think we are a generation of “others”. There’s no 'We' or 'I' in the doing. There’s always this passive watcher or a voyeur we’re so fully aware of. The past one year has confirmed this further.

Going back to college has in a way reminded me of the old days in the non a/c public buses. I’ve heard people say “reality stinks”. It sure does. Quite literally here!

Exotic cologne mixed air in the bus will be replaced by musk flavoured deo sprayed college students’ body odour blended with the sweat of others and dung stuck shoes of some others. And of course, not to mention the jasmine thick air that lingers all day long.

No more laptop and phone busy people in the bus but those trying hard enough to hold on to the iron rods that’ll survive them the next sudden brake. As they get down, the smell of the rusting rods follow them as a reminder of where they stand in the hierarchy of things.

No more poor and confused oldies mistaking the a/c for a non a/c and having forced to pay thrice of what they would have otherwise. It perhaps means they will miss a square meal to hold on to their abstract idea of dignity that no one seems to really care about.

It’s time to get used to the sight of bare feet and thank god for the lack of clacking shoes.

I will miss the glimpses of people from the back high seat of the Volvo. They look at you and don't even forgetfully smile at you. And if you do, they feel threatened. I will miss seeing the children’s [of lesser earning families] eyes glow as they step in and feel the cool on a hot sunny day. I wish I could appreciate life like they do. I wish I had the ability to see the universe in the everyday.