of 'wanting' to be zen and the irony of it...

I woke up this morning feeling fresh and beautiful...wanting to stay by myself...wanting to feel warm...wanting to stay as zen as possible.

I woke up to the sweet fragrance of jasmine offered to the Lord....it had filled the entire house...as I saw how simple life was to my parents, I smiled at my own futility. How complex I make life seem when it’s simple and full of beauty. How is it that i miss to gauge all the wonderful things and how is it that i manage to sulk about just everything in life!

I savoured every sip of my tea and contemplated zen.

my cup of tea looked nothing as exotic :P

What is it that makes me overlook the beautiful things! Why is it that i fall short of appreciating the little things! Why is it that I magnify superfluous things!

I must be philosophically challenged I thought and an almost non-existent laughter escaped my lips.

As I wondered about life and my equation with the people around, the jasmine scent that had filled the house earlier was taken over by the odour of masala dosa my mom was preparing. I could truly smell and feel the south Indian stereotype I read in books and blogs...the comfort i got in all that was just too beautiful to express. The earthy feeling of home, of owning people, of memories, and of being a part of something modest unfurling in the larger picture - a feel that is unparalleled.

What is it that i really want! I started wondering!

I want comfort and austerity at the same time!

It’s tricky.

My mother called me for breakfast and i was wondering if i should settle for dosa or should i demand for something else. She had an alternative in her mind already. I wouldn’t opt for that either. I demanded something simple and fresh in the name of austerity. That was when i felt like i was mocking myself.

The grand expectations of life from life have miraculously taken precedence over the sheer joy of the everyday! The still, the calm, the serene have made way for so much noise without me noticing it. The eye for beauty has been replaced by a cynic vision.

The quest for truth has taken detours and witnessed way too many ugly scenes in the periphery. The grandeur of the journey has taken a blow.

No matter how messy it gets, I am sure it’ll all add up to the greatness that life is!

[is this a voice of hope or wisdom I wonder!]

I shall now order for some more tea...here’s both hope and wisdom operating for you! Ha!